In Bruges – Pre-Screening Review

The following review by a good friend of mine, read and enjoy.
In Bruges
Who Says Hitmen Dont Have Heart?
Hello Sickbastardites! This might not be the usual fare around here, i’m not going to be proving Google is racist, or making LOL Cats, but recently I weasled my way into a pre-screening of the new Colin
Farrell flick “In Bruges”and I figured I’ld give you the low down early.First off I got to see the movie on the mother fucking Universal Lot, screening room, the whole shebang I’m not too proud to say my ties had come back from the dry cleaners and I had my two-piece, alterna-tie mojo workin. To add to my overall smugness I got to take my woman since Colin Farrell is on the list of celebrities shes allowed to fuck without asking permission, anyway she was super cute. Our trek to Century City began around 5 and after 2.5 hours in traffic as well as severeal bowls…of cereal, thats right…Raisin Bran Crunch, mmm mmmm cereal, we arrived at the screening room a mere ten minutes into the movie.
All right now down to the quick and dirty. Colin Farrell’s “Ray” is well how yould kind of imagine Farrell might act if not ocnstantly followed by photographers; all-nite drinker, chases pussy, sawggers about in his Don Johnson blazer and five o’clock shadow….oh wait that is Colin Farrell.. Ray is more than just a pretty boy who seems to have no inner monologue (especially when confronted by an American midget actor), he just got his poppin’-a-cap cherry popped but lets say he’ll never forget his first time. Watching over Ray’s first hit and its unfortunate ramifications is Brendan Gleeson’s “Ken”, keeping his streak of characters who get royally screwed Gleeson switches between Ken’s penchan for history, sensitivity about his and Ray’s chosen profession, and a bull dog scowl when hes got a gun in his hand. Orchestrating the pairs confinement in Belgium is Ray Finnes as the sociopathic family man Harry who, while arguably cracked and definately a cunt, brings the honor among thieves vibe to the table.
Several things surprised me in this movie. Ferstly there were several occasions where I mistook Farrell for a real actor, I know I know I know, hes great… whatever, but if you were in the movie “Swat” I can’t really count you along with more serious thespians. Ray struggles with the mental scars his actions have given him while in Belgium and throughout the role Farrell brings some very real heart to character that he easily could have heaved on top of his hot, rougish, bad boy pile. Next the trailer gave a rather Snatchish vibe and the movie was quite a bit less stylized than that crash zoom extravaganza. Admitedly I’m not familiar with this writer/directors previous works of which there seems to be one, but I’ll give him credit for some very stark carnage when necesary.
 My girl is getting naked so i’m gonna rap this up, the quick hit from me is: Guns, booze, a hot Dutch drug dealer (who I didn’t get to earlier), a racist midget, drugs, a sociopathic boss, and Gleeson/Farrell giving very one-two performances makes this one a good movie to trick a woman into watching. “But honey its got Colin Farrell and I hear he cries in it”, just dont mention the blood, violence, and general bleakness of the film and your golden. Also the soundtrack isn’t a buyer but it sure as hell fits the film.
_t

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