Archive for July, 2007

The 168 Things We Learned While Adventuring

July 26, 2007

Yeah, alright. I’m a bit of a gamer geek, but dammit some of this stuff is actually funny. With complete credit to the wonderful people at the RPGnet forums. Original thread is here.

  1. The only tools you will ever need are a dagger, a length of rope, a quarterstaff, and a towel.
  2. If you are in a cemetery or crypt of some kind, you WILL encounter undead sooner or later.
  3. When your GM says “are you sure?”, he probably has a good reason.
  4. The power of a ninja is inversely proportionate to the number of ninja you are fighting.
  5. If you say “Don’t worry, I can only fail on a natural 1,” you do alter the laws of probability.
  6. If you use the same cheap strategy over and over again, eventually someone will use it against you.
  7. It doesn’t matter how heinous your crime was, if you were “pursuing the greater good” at the time, you will be forgiven.
  8. Spot checks are bad news, even if you succeed at them.
  9. Listen checks are even worse.
  10. If you steal from a church or temple, you’ll find out that the gods are capable of personally kicking your ass.
  11. (more…)

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Page 149 Of The Zombie Survival Guide

July 25, 2007

Rarely am I so enamored with a book that I go through pained lengths to mask its presence from roommates, children, and other ne’er-do-wells but this book has truly endured my fascination with the subject. As a small example of the unique awesomeness contained in such a groin-grabbingly good book, I give to you, page 149 of The Zombie Survival Guide

Page 149 of The Zombie Survival Guide. Don’t expect me to give you the rest of the book in gif form, this is something to truly be treasured in it’s paperback form.

How To Commit The Perfect Murder

July 24, 2007

You hear me? You’re going to be *$&#ing dead! Yeah, you know who you are.

Slap Women In The Face For Fun!

July 23, 2007

This is one of the best games I’ve played in the last few weeks (so much better than Guitar Hero 2). From what I can tell, the entire purpose of the game is to slap women in the face.

Not quite as good as real life, but at least I won’t go to jail this time for spousal abuse.

Now, I’m not one to advocate spousal abuse, but…well…it’s just so much fun. If you’re like me and can’t seem to let go of your “must-beat-a-woman” rages, maybe avoid some jail time by taking out your frustrations on this friendly little game available here.

Cancerous Lumps For Sale

July 20, 2007

I know I’d buy some of these

Man, Shopping.com really does have everything. This’ll go great with those black people I bought off of eBay.

It’s No Fun To Beat A Car…A Woman On The Other Hand…

July 19, 2007

I’d buy her, if only to beat her

There’s something so inherently wrong with the idea of buying a woman simply to beat her that fills me with this sort of a delicious feeling that I just can’t get passed.

The Almost Perfect Woman

July 18, 2007

Too bad it is light beer

If only it wasn’t light beer.

Just Who Is The World’s Smartest Man?

July 16, 2007

Now, I know that when you, my beloved reader thinks of the phrase “world’s smartest man“, you obviously think of me (yeah, right), but I have found someone far more deserving to hold the title of “world’s smartest man“…although the answer may surprise you.

When I speak of the world’s smartest man, what comes to mind? Names such as Einstein, Hawking, or Aristotle? Bah, I say. Fools, I say. Dullards, I say. While these men are (or were in the cases of Einstein and Aristotle) indeed brilliant, they fall quite far from the highest branches of the world’s smartest man tree.

Einstein, what can I say about this brilliant man that would convince you that he was not the world’s smartest man? Look at his hair! It’s not aerodynamic! How can he expect to break the speed of sound on a moped without aerodynamic hair!?

Hawking, a very intelligent man indeed, but the world’s smartest man? Surely not. He himself admits that he is not the world’s smartest man. He is, of course, an intelligent man to know his own limits, but his lack of a unified field theory does indeed show the source of his apprehension to lay claim to title of the world’s smartest man.

Aristotle, a genius that wrote on many different subjects including logic, physics, government, politics, biology, zoology and many many more. Simply put, one of the most influential philosophers of all time. A legend in his own time as well as ours. yet still not the world’s smartest man. I mean, really, if he’s so smart how come he’s been dead for over 2000 years?

While these three men have surely influenced history and shaped the ways that we look at and understand ourselves and the universe around us, none of them is able to hold the title of world’s smartest man. These men of science approached the claim from a…well…man of science way. They merely contributed to the knowledge of the world. None of them could be so bold as to attempt to brute force reality itself in a mad quest to become the world’s smartest man. This man, no, this god among men that I speak of, this titan that holds the universe in his tightly clenched fist is… (more…)

Doctors VS Serial Killers

July 13, 2007

I had a recent short conversation with a friend of mine regarding the pay grade of doctors vs serial killers, etc etc. It went something like this…

me: Ya know…doctors and serial killers have kinda the same life…
They both work long hours, see a lot of interesting things, and deal with a lot of people in their line of work…
Although doctors get paid more. Why is that?

segremores: Hmm…
People trust them with their money?

me: …I don’t think that’s it
I don’t pay the doctor until after I’ve been worked on
Oh…duh, that’s why

segremores: Serial killers don’t leave people alive to pay them afterward.
Hmm… Do you think that they would be paid if they did?

me: Well, if they did then they wouldn’t be serial killers…

segremores: Then they’d be doctors!

me: I now know what to do with my life

This was all in good fun (mostly) but it got me thinking. Who is the bigger monster? Doctors or Serial Killers? (more…)

Bush Hid The Facts…In Windows Notepad

July 12, 2007

Alright, this is pretty neat, although the odds of this being a “bug” are pretty remote…

1. Open Notepad
Opening Notepad
(more…)