Archive for May, 2007

Nice way to find my blog…

May 31, 2007

So I was checking the stats today under the search engine terms people use to locate my blog and find this…”how much cough syrup can you drink to get high”

Well, the answer to your question, wayward wanderer, is…
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Phone Sex

May 29, 2007

Very nice. Strangely arousing. Click here for the YouTube page.

YouMail eh? So they’ll make my cell phones have sex with each other? In reality it looks like it is an alternative to carrier voicemail, complete with web access. Might be interesting to check out.

Shower Time

May 25, 2007

So my old lady always asks me, “Why do you take so long in the shower?”. I don’t know, that’s a pretty good question. I usually take about 30 – 40 minutes which, from what I’ve come to understand, is not average “guy time” in the shower. People always assume that I masturbate in the shower. Well, I don’t. I’m not saying that I haven’t in the past, I mean, come on, we all have. It’s just that now, after masturbating in the shower…I feel a little dirty…and then the warm water doesn’t feel comfortable anymore. It’s just not worth it.

So anyway, here’s my usual shower routine, let’s see if you can tell me where I can shave off any extra time …
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Walk It Off

May 25, 2007

I hate hospitals. I don’t trust doctors. My old lady is always ragging on me to go to the hospital. Why should I go to a place with a bunch of sick people? Why should I go somewhere that has a higher mortality rate than my house to get cured? It doesn’t make sense, it’s just bad science.

If I am sick, I prefer just to “walk it off”. It’s an age old manly tradition. Walk it off. It works for the flu, colds, back pain, teething, sneezing, sore throat, emphysema, senility, spider bites, diarrhea, black lung, carpal tunnel syndrome, heat stroke, hemophilia, jaundice, Lou Gehrig’s disease and many, many more ailments of the flesh.

Of course, if the problem is in your foot, then you can’t walk it off. When it’s in your foot, you need to soak it in really really hot water and Epsom salts…to drain the pus out. It’s always pus, trust me. Even when there’s bone sticking out, it’s just really pus.

I keep hearing these stereotypes that certain minorities use cough syrup for everything. Cough syrup, really, can you imagine? I’ve never heard of something so ridiculous. Cough syrup is good for one thing and one thing only…getting high. You drink a little, you get a buzz. You drink a lot, you get hallucinations. You drink too much, you die. It’s even worse than my smoking habit…I can probably walk off cancer, but death?

Yes, dear friends, walking it of will cure many a malady, but if you hear my old lady tell it, I’m just a stubborn asshole until the pain goes away.

MP3s in the office: Part 1

May 23, 2007

So I’m sitting here in the office, doing the usual, browsing for mp3 files while I should be working. It strikes me as odd, how other people that walk by sometimes ask stupid questions like “what are you doing?” and “can you find an mp3 for me?”. First off, stop looking at my god damned screen and second, why not ask me something good? Why not ask me how I can show you how to find your mp3?
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PickyDomains vs Me, round 1

May 23, 2007

So, I’ve just checked in with PickyDomains and it’s only been a day, but the geek in me cried out for some Excel spreadsheet goodness…

Of all the potential domain names I submitted a whopping 62% were “disliked by moderator”. That leaves me with 38% that got published, of that number 20% were disliked by the potential buyer. I haven’t had any bites yet, so that only leaves about 30% of my total submissions still in the running to make me some moolah.

Given that it took me about 10 minutes to submit quite a few domain names, if any of them do get sold I’ll consider it a win-win situation.

PickyDomains, will you be my salvation?

May 22, 2007

So, I’m always looking for ways to make a little extra cash without too much work, right? So, after much (not really) searching, I find PickyDomains. Now, it seems all well and good, so I sign up for it and start drooling over all of the moolah I’m about to make…then it hits me…I actually have to put in some effort into this… Let me just say that picking domain names sucks. Sure, you may think you have something clever and witty, a little sexy and fun…but in reality some other schmoe already thought of that URL years ago.

It breaks a man’s heart.

I must have spent minutes on that site, but my labors did not come to fruition and my brain “medicine” started to run out…so I did what any fine upstanding gentleman would do…I searched Google and looked for some kind of easy, breezy, beautiful domain name generator. Maybe it’ll work, who knows, worst case scenario I just wasted a few minutes and cost the company I work for a few nickels.

W00t, first post

May 22, 2007

So, I’m up to a pack of smokes per day. It didn’t start out like this. I remember when I first started smoking, a pack would last me a whole week. Yep, things were good when I was 12.

It’s not too bad, the smoking that is, aside from the pieces of phlegm that I cough up every morning. Things have gone a bit passed green. I get these nice big dark brown pieces that taste salty coming up. I usually wait until I am in the shower to cough these up. That way I can blow my nose and pee as well, and see them all swirl down the hair clogged drain.

For awhile there, there was all this talk and excitement about quitting smoking. “Oh, I’m trying to quit”, etc etc…I’ll admit, I hopped on the bandwagon too. What can I say, peer pressure is a bitch. Eventually, I realized that smoking is just what I do. I don’t want to quit. I don’t mind the smell. I don’t mind the discolored teeth. I don’t mind the erectile dysfunction. I like to smoke. I don’t want to quit. Stop trying to make me.